The Rubber Band Effect


Feeling You never get what you want?

Do you believe you worked so hard for what you want and are not able to get it? Could be your dream career, your dream partner, the house you always wanted. Do you suffer from our current situation, the pandemic, the limited social contacts, the financial uncertainty? You might just feel the impact of the Rubber Band Effect. 

I felt some of that today. Also, I wanted to do so many things today but could not get myself to do them.

And that creates frustration with myself because “I was supposed” to do all those things. That frustration then creates guilt, shame, blame towards myself, and judgment and criticism that I could do better.

I can tell you: The more we go into this, the worse it will get.

We are all effected by the pandemic and the political arena’s events, not only in our country. Plus, we suffer from missing our social life, hanging out with friends, simply doing things like going to games, having friends over, going bowling, or dancing. Also, we are missing the hugs, we get from the people we cannot see right now. We miss our normal life.

I miss my normal life, especially today. Also, I was not in the mood today to do all the things I plan to do.

And I finally realize that I missed an essential part – kind of a Universal Law.

The more we hold on to something, the less it will happen.

Let me explain that to you:

If I would keep telling myself I better get my butt moving – against really not feeling it – I would create not only an internal conflict (“I should do this” vs. “I don’t feel like doing this”) but also what I call a “the rubber band effect.”

What is the Rubber Band Effect?

If you can think of the rubber band effect, imagine you are holding it with one hand. Now imagine taking the other end of the rubber band and hold it with the other hand. Now pull on with each hand to each side.

What happens? There is a lot of tension in the rubber band, and the rubber band cannot move. The moment we let it go, the rubber band is flexible again, and if we don’t pull, we can move it in any direction.

What does that mean? If we hold on to what we should have done and keep blaming ourselves for not doing it, we create a situation where there is no room, no flexibility. It is just a rigid construct.

The moment we accept that we are not feeling it, something changes. Really, it happens instantly.

Acceptance Is the Key!

First, accept that today is not the day to do what you have plans. Accept that you feel whatever you feel – should it be anger, frustration, resentment, sadness, irritation, or whatever else you might feel. Do not try to suppress it or force yourself to do whatever you think you should do.

Accept What Is!

Accept that the world is how it is right now, accept that we have restrictions right now, accept that we all have very different political views right now, accept that you feel alone. Accept all you feel at this moment. It will not last forever. In this very moment, when we accept what is, we step into the realm of endless possibility. Things change rapidly. We literally give room to change.

If you want to look at it from a logical perspective: If you didn’t do what you “were supposed” to do, ask yourself:

  1. Did I hurt anyone?
  2. Does someone die because I did not do what I was supposed to do?
  3. Did someone get sick because I did not do what I was supposed to do?
  4. Did I lose my livelihood because I did not do what I was supposed to do?

If none of that happened, you are ok! It is ok to feel what you feel! It is ok to do (or not to do) what you feel like doing (or not doing).

That literally happens to me today – that is why I wrote this blog!